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chaoticbardlady99 · 18 hours

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Nobody's Fool Part 3 (Astarion x GN! Reader)

Synopsis: Astarion reflects on his plan and progress thus far. You and Karlach accidentally eat the wrong kind of mushrooms.

Content Warning: Dead Dove (Astarion), accidental drug use (btw, Mushrooms had a very emotional effect on me so that is my current frame of reference)

Part 2 : Part 4 : Master list

Here’s the thing.

Astarion and Shadowheart had sex, but there was absolutely no chemistry between them. It was awkward in a weird way and they both just kinda ended up… lying there. They blamed it on the alcohol initially, but his brain wandered to you that night and how stupid he was to veer from his initial plan. Shadowheart had no loyalty to him, but you followed him around like an adorable pup.

You are way too good and of course you would give him another chance. Certainly you can still go “walk along the beach” or whatever the hells you had asked. Astarion would give you a night you would never forget and you would forget about his rejection entirely.

He figured he would use your little crush to get what he wanted- insured safety. Astarion would provide you with good sex and honeyed words for the duration of the journey and it would all be “peaches and crème” as Gale has said in the recent past.

Shadowheart and Astarion agreed that they could not attempt that with each other again and agreed to become temporary allies. She keeps Karlach away from you so Astarion can get back in your good graces and Shadowheart can eventually get into Karlach‘s bedroll. Only, how would he convince you that he actually cares for you when he still didn’t at all?

Shadowheart obviously didn’t know he didn’t care, but he was a convincing enough liar that the queen of “deception” didn’t even notice his emotional fib.

So their next solution was to tell a big, fat white lie.

“He said their name during sex!” Shadowheart scoffed as Astarion eavesdropped nearby, “I am broken up about it- devastated.”

And how well did that fucking go?

Piss. Fucking. Poor.

Astarion and Shadowheart found themselves at a loss. You were still exceptionally distant and wouldn’t engage in a conversation at all and Karlach was too busy spending time with you. Fort Tavlach was becoming a very big annoyance to both of them.

So they proceeded to do what they had wanted you both to do. Shadowheart has had a bit easier of a time considering Karlach is more forgiving, outgoing, and confident. However, Astarion is unsure of where he stands with you.

At first it made him panic because he had had a plan. Astarion needs you on his side for safety reasons.

Why couldn’t you be like everyone else and just… not respect him? This is not how this is supposed to work. You are supposed to ignore his boundaries- insist he be with you.

Suddenly, he found himself beginning to genuinely miss your company at night. He wished he had invested a bit more time in your conversations together and the less he got to know you the more he wanted to know.

There were snippets here and there- any piece of information anyone seemed to have or whatever you were willing to give him.

He pushed the unwelcome warm thoughts away and refocused on his plan. Astarion knows he is going to have to really really work to get back in your good graces so he bought that damn necklace at full price (definitely not because he was actually concerned because that would be nonsense and this is all part of his very well thought out plan).

You looked so happy and he became caught up in the conversation with you. You were being less guarded like you had before. Astarion became very aware of how beautiful your eyes are and how expressive they are. Hells, he really noticed how beautiful you are and it hit him like you did the night before when he scared you. He honestly didn’t think you were capable of punching anyone in the stomach that hard and you felt so bad, but he was mostly turned on. Exceptionally impressed too.

Your laughter washed over him in waves and he truly felt calm for the first time in the last 200 years. He is safe with you without having to give you every piece of him right away. You have never wavered in your loyalty and support to him- merely just drew back to respect his space and to try to move on.

Astarion began hanging out with you every chance he could find- continuously convincing himself that this is all a part of his grand masterfully crafted

His trance had gripped him and he felt like he was back in Cazador’s palace. It was the night his scars were carved into his back. Astarion could still feel every single moment of Cazador branding him.

He was so grateful you let him spend time with you and that you didn’t kick him out. Astarion listened to your pulse the entire night until he was lulled into a trance- a much more peaceful and happy one. It had been one of the first days you were all traveling together and you fought all those disgusting Gnolls together.

You were so beautiful that day- covered in blood and adrenaline in your eyes. You were so protective of all of them and you had checked on each of them a million times. He only woke up again because the end of that memory was you passing out from a wound you hadn’t realized you had. It jolted him awake.

He has spent every night since in your tent- he is too afraid to bring you to his because it’s not the cleanest and it feels like his very private space. Astarion wants to wait for whatever reason.

You have never pestered, asked, or forced your way in while he has pushed himself upon you. Astarion had tried to stay in his tent one night after a hunt and he ended up in your tent anyway.

You had been too warm and struggling to sleep. He quickly amended that issue. He hasn’t stayed away since.

Except for right now while you are busy. Astarion is trying to read this stupid, probably evil, powerful book and it won’t let him.

The thoughts are insane and wild- the spells on the pages and the dark magic calls out to him like a harpy’s song. One of the spells rings louder than the others- playing on his jealousy and new found relationships with promises of a powerful new spell that will dampen his hunger.

He would if it wouldn’t upset you so much and this book is very convincing. It’s terrible, but he does not want to upset you. He rather likes being by your side lately and most importantly- he has a plan to tend to.

“No… I won’t kill them!”

Astarion pauses for a moment- the book coaxing a name out of him anyway.

“Well, maybe Wyll.”

He has felt bitter towards the Warlock since you walked back into camp with him and then when you began talking to Wyll more than Astarion.

No- it was not fair. He fucked up.

It didn’t make him any less bitter though.

“Well if I have a say,” your melodic voice flows through his ears, “could you kill someone, I don’t know, maybe a little less useful?”

Astarion slams the Necromancy of Thay with a start. He wasn’t expecting you to be back for a while- you had been talking to Wyll after you washed off and Astarion had opened a book about Necromancy to take his mind off of what it would be like to join you- A. At the river and B. Interjecting himself into the conversation.

It’s probably a good thing you came over when you did, but now his jealousy has decided to rear it’s ugly head.

“How useful can he be when he won’t seem to stop talking to you every chance he gets?” He scowls, “hardly the quality of work I would expect from the mighty ‘Blade of Frontiers’!”

“A-“

“You know,” he interrupts, far too heated to notice your confused expression, “Wyll’s the sort of prince type I would have once dreamed of marrying. When I was about thirteen.”

He realizes his tone is sharp and angry. Astarion also realizes this may not be fair, but his impulsivity seems to be outweighing better judgment.

He crosses his arm, trying to avoid eye contact without making it too obvious (he actually manages to succeed somehow by staring just past your face).

“So will you be dedicating yourself entirely then to your new, true love? Should I be returning to my tent to-“

“Will you shut your blood hole for a minute and let me speak?”

Astarion is snapped back to reality and your eyebrows are furrowed- face screwed up as you search his features and he feels exceptionally vulnerable. Are you deciding if he is even worth spending time with? Maybe you are regretting letting him get close to you again.

The idea makes his stomach turn. He really screwed up this time. Now he’s going to have to watch you with Wyll and probably hear the act of him ‘burying his blade’.

Your features have softened significantly- whatever you found in Astarion’s features had been what you needed apparently. Again, he feels naked, vulnerable.

Like being chained and forced to let Cazador carve into his back. Only, he doesn’t know what his punishment will be for speaking out of turn this time.

Nothing, he thinks, because they would never do that to me.

“Where is this coming from?” You ask slowly, “Wyll and I have always talked and it’s never bothered you before.”

Astarion feels… frozen. He can’t tell you why it bothers him now. Well, he could and it would go along exceptionally well with his plan to reel you back in, but that would be crossing the threshold into reality. The feelings would be too real for that kind of connection and it could be what leaves him open to be blindsided or seriously hurt.

“I-I suppose I am just making sure I sleep in the right place tonight,” he chuckles awkwardly, “I would hate to stumble across you and Wyll ‘burying his blade’ if you catch my meaning.

“And I do mean sex, to be clear.”

You sigh heavily with a chuckle and an adorable roll of your eyes. He knows you can see right through him. You are exceptionally good at that and he doesn’t care for it a whole lot.

To his own surprise, you hug him and it’s probably the most gentle touch he has ever received from another in the last 200 years.

At first he is reluctant, but when you go to pull away, he unfreezes and returns it.

You smell like fresh laundry and a lovely spring evening. It feels right to have you this close to him and in such an intimate capacity. Astarion has to really keep himself from whining like a child when you pull away and begin your journey to your tent for the night.

“I can assure you that if anyone is going to share my tent with me, I would choose you over everyone everywhere, anytime,” you say promptly, turning around and calling over your shoulder, “so if you are feeling up to it, you are welcome to join me in my tent for our usual chatting sessions and a cuddle. Otherwise, I will be sleeping alone.”

And there you go- leaving him absolutely speechless in your wake. You are much much sassier and sure of yourself than he remembers to give you credit for sometimes. He is trying to ignore the giddiness that lights up his nervous system at your words.

He used to thrive off of you being his little pup- following him around and waiting for his direction. Now he’s the hopeless fool in the situation and is quickly on your heels- following you to your tent.

You turn and seem surprised that he is there before you flash one of your brilliant smiles.

Speechless- you leave him speechless. Astarion wants to kiss you and he wants to ask.

Yet, he can’t get himself to. He doesn’t want your companionship to turn into a sexual connection just yet- maybe before, but he actually has come to really enjoy your company. In spite of his better judgment and his plan, he does not want to jeopardize every last bit of hard work he put into fixing your relationship.

So instead you both sit and talk. Astarion finds himself asking you more questions than he had previously and he is filled with thousands of them.

“I am excited to get out of the Underdark,” you yawn and stretch, “I miss the sun and the moon. Oh and not accidentally walking into some kind of spore that makes me laugh until I wish to keel over and die.”

Astarion grimaces in agreement. He had been the unfortunate victim of those stupid things today and he is very lucky he doesn’t need air. You were very very worried, but he gestured for you to stay back- the last thing anyone needed was for you to pass out. None of them would be organized without you and they would probably all fight over who gets to bring you back or who leads everyone back home. It sounded like too much effort and mental exhaustion for his liking.

“I really don’t care for it down here,” he sighs, “I want to enjoy my time in the sun for as long as I can and the lack of Minotaurs is a bonus.”

You shudder, “those things are absolutely terrifying. I am glad we have been able to avoid them for the most part, but I don’t want to have to fight them head on.”

“Don’t worry, Darling, I am sure you can outwit them anyday. They are lucky they have been able to avoid you if I am being entirely honest.”

Your grin is wonderful and you blush. Astarion can hear your heart kickstart and you are definitely smitten with him. His plan is working- he should be thrilled. He should make his move.

You may have become more important to him than a stupid plan and he isn’t happy about it (maybe he is a little).

You fall asleep shortly- your head is on his chest and his hand plays aimlessly with your hair. Astarion has noticed that this act helps you fall asleep and it also seems to help lull him into a trance too.

Sometimes memories blend together in a negative way. Other times, his trances, like his current one, is imagery of you both destroying Cazador and traveling together in the aftermath.

These trances may be his favorite guilty pleasure. Both of you are safe, happy, and definitely enamored with one another for eternity.

**************************************************************

You and Karlach keep staring at each other from across the fire, but it’s because you both made a truly terrible mistake.

You had both been searching for something to use for kindling and you were both giddily talking about your respective crushes. You have both considered that they may be using you to make each other jealous, but the more they compare notes, the less and less it appears to be the case.

It was supposed to be a harmless snack- Karlach insisted that the mushrooms were the “safe and non- magic” kind and that they were ‘delicious’.

You both feel positively fucking insane. You barely made it back to camp and even then, Astarion walked up to you, said something, and you could only focus on how he kept changing color. Oh and he was speaking in a language you are certain isn’t real either.

You feel like you are underwater but your mind could not be more clear. Your eyes hurt from how bright everything is, but you feel like you are finally seeing the world.

This really, really needs to end soon.

“What is with you two?!” Gale asks in exasperation, “it is not dinner time yet! Quit trying to bully me into feeding you. You lot are worse than Tara!”

However- it sounds like botched common and neither one of you can understand a word he is saying.

The silly magic man says silly silly words.

You giggle like a mad man at Karlach’s telepathic message. She begins to giggle too and Gale’s worry comes off of him in great waves.

Literally- you are watching it ripple from his body.

Gale says something again and you both begin laughing harder.

“Silly- silly magic man says silly words,” Karlach wipes away her tears, “what is his name again?”

What… is his name again? It’s something silly right?

“GALE!” You scream, “LIKE THE WIND A MIGHTY EAGLE SOARS ON!”

You gasp, looking at Gale before looking to Karlach, “HIS NAME IS ALSO A SPELL AND HE IS A WIZARD!!!!!”

You and Karlach are crying with laughter

You don’t remember standing on the log nor do you remember falling, but you feel Astarion’s delicate fingers on your hips and you bite your bottom lip so hard it bleeds.

His touch feels electric. You feel like you are really physically melting.

“Darling?”

Swimming, swimming, swimming, and yet he is clear as day. You blink up at him adoringly- awaiting his next words with a baited breath.

Your mushroom addled mind is certain he is looking at you with equal amounts of adoration, but also a lot of concern.

Other people join and eventually you are being dragged to your tent- both you and Karlach screaming your “SEE YA LATER!”s as Shadowheart drags her off.

You lazily allow Astarion to guide you to your tent and when you collapse onto your bed roll- he quickly follows. You lay on your back and stare at the ceiling- lost in your silly little thoughts while he is looking at you like you have lost your mind.

You want to tell him what you are thinking, but instead, you become sad. Astarion is so beautiful in all the ways and you really wish he felt the way you feel about him. You would take him seashell hunting on every beach that exists. He would never know how it felt to be used or disrespected again and you would willingly be with him. In spite of all the baggage and emotional trauma- the things that “scared Shadowheart off” according to Karlach, you would choose him every time.

Technically, you already do. You may not be who he wants and one day you will watch him walk away from you forever, but at least he will know how he should be treated.

It doesn’t prevent your wistful and hopeless thinking any less. Your chest feels heavy and you feel burdened with your emotions. They hurt.

You could fall asleep together every night and share goodnight kisses if you were together. You could talk while being entangled in each other’s embrace, bath together because you really love the idea of spoiling him in that way.

Hells, you could even envision yourself having sex with him (and you have envisioned it, but you ignore that).

You desire to connect with him on every level, but he will never want that with you and it becomes very hard for you to breathe or speak all of a sudden.

“Darling?” His voice is soft, comforting, and heartbreaking in the same breath, “what’s wrong?”

You look back up at the ceiling and just imagine Selune reminding you that there will be others- trying to think of literally anything else. What happened to your happy mood? Why are you having emotional whiplash?

Cool fingers wipe away your tears and a whimper leaves your lips before you begin to cry even harder.

Why doesn’t he love you? Why can’t the one person you have fallen in love with love you back? It’s not his fault, but Gods it’s not fair that you will watch him be with other people for as long as you live and doomed to die without him, always wishing you could have at least walked on that damn beach together. At least then you would have that memory to hang on to.

You feel him hold you- the electricity rippling through you and you can hear him trying to ask you what is wrong.

Your head is spinning- you are so confused and emotionally not feeling well, but now you are beginning to feel better. Co-regulation or something like that. It’s common practice in Selunite Culture- it’s meant to help their youngest members get through uncomfortable emotions. You always loved the concept, but you never experienced it yourself until that one night with Wyll. You never anticipated Astarion being here for you like this.

His fingers running through your hair pulls you out of your despair and into a happier mood. Your tears begin to fade to mere sniffles and you swear you feel a soft pair of lips press a kiss to your forehead.

“That’s it, Darling. Come back to me and out of your spiraling.”

You giggle, “spiralinggggggg is my specialty. Have you ever tried to watch Shadowheart read a map? No wonder she got kidnapped. If she had to keep me from spiralingggg I fear I would be lost forever.”

Astarion pauses for a second out of shock alone before he begins to laugh along with you. The sound makes your heart feel so full. How wonderful it is to make someone else happy after they have been so miserable for so long.

“I am guessing the ‘magic’ of the Underdark has consumed your mind?”

You nod enthusiastically and with a big yawn- your sadness was excruciatingly intense. You feel like you could nap for an eternity.

“Karlach thought they were the yummy kind, not the funny kind.”

He snorts and you swear you feel another kiss being placed on the side of your temple. You hum happily and curl up against him when he lays you both down.

“I think this is my favorite place to be,” you say absentmindedly, no longer in a state of mind to be aware of your words.

“Your tent?” His voice is laced with confusion.

You laugh, in spite of yourself, “no! Laying here with you, silly.”

The quietness in the tent would bother you if you weren’t in la la land.

“I- I think this may be my favorite place to be too.”

“In my tent?” You mimic.

You can feel him roll his eyes, “very funny, Darling.

“I meant… laying here with you.”

Astarion’s voice is so coy and quiet. You prop yourself up and peer at his face. He looks conflicted and unsure about something.

“What is it? Did I say something wrong?”

“Not at all,” he says with a smile, “in fact, you say all the right things the majority of the time.”

“Why thank you!” You beam, “I may not be a very wise cleric, but I am certainly a charismatic one!”

“Hmm I would argue against your statement, but you are currently experiencing magic mushrooms and aren’t clerics supposed to know things like that?”

“I am good at the magic piece,” you grumble, “not so much the herbology shit or whatever. Too much to remember and now my HEAD HURTS TRYING TO REMEMBER!”

Astarion laughs and shakes his head- you are far goofier than anyone else he has ever met and of course you would say that about herbology. You look like you want to commit a war crime anytime Gale begins talking about Alchemy.

“I am so sorry that I have caused you so much distress, Darling,” he says dramatically, “whatever can I do to make it up to you?”

Your brain hits serious mode and you look at him with the most serious expression you can think of.

“Write to me sometimes when this journey ends?” Your voice strains, “don’t forget about me? Please? Or at least don’t forget about me until I’m long gone in the physical sense?”

You chuckle awkwardly, but your tears betray you. Astarion is quick to wipe away your tears and he grabs your hand on his chest- kissing your knuckle.

“My Dear,” he says softly, “I have no intentions of forgetting about you and well, the details of after our little adventure can be discussed when you are a bit more clear minded. I don’t want you to suggest we go and ‘explore’ the Cloakwood or something insane like that.”

You understand what he is saying, but you also don’t so you just grin and scoff.

“I would not say we should travel to the- okay, wait. That may actually be a good idea because all of the people getting trapped there by fey-“

Astarion interrupts you with a finger on your lips and an unamused expression that makes you giggle.

“You are an insufferable hero and while I adore you for it- I must save you from yourself. No visiting the Cloakwoods.”

“Fineeeeeeeeeeeeee,” you lay your head back against his chest, smiling and the urge to sleep filling your body, “I will win eventually.”

He snorts in response.

“We will see about that, Darling.”

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chaoticbardlady99 · 17 hours

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I Wondered if I Could Come Home? (Dadstarion x F! Reader) Part Five, MDNI 18+

Synopsis: Astarion takes off after a frustrating day with Eowyn, leaving both of you feeling abandoned. Astarion makes things right. Poor Eowyn has a tummy ache and I continue to be terrible at writing synopses.

Content Warning: Abandonment wounds, dead dove, fainting, SMUT, PIV, bathtub smut, also it's long.

Part 4 : Part 6 : Master List

“It’s going to be okay,” you sing through your tears, Eowyn continues to wail, “it’s going to be okay- we have each otherrrr and mommy loves youuuuu and we will be-“

You choke on your own lie.

It’s been hours- four and a half, in fact- since Astarion blew up and stormed out. Eowyn hadn’t stopped crying- her little tummy hurts, but she is also hungry so the confusion hasn’t been helping and neither has the insane amount of spit up.

She knows her dad has left, you know her dad has left, and you are both coming to terms that it’s just you two now. Your head is throbbing and your vision is spotted- you feel like you could collapse at any given moment.

Astarion had probably changed his shirt for the sixth time and he was going to change it a seventh when you suggested he wait until she is asleep so that he won’t have to do so much laundry. It had been an innocent suggestion- you were going to clean his laundry anyway because you know the whole spit up thing was making his skin crawl.

For whatever reason, that had set him off.

“How dare you tell me what to do when your devil child refuses to give me even five seconds to think!” He seethed, fangs bared like when he killed Cazador and you were frozen- Eowyn also stopped crying and whimpered, “I can’t take this anymore! I can’t fucking do this!”

You are still shaking in the aftermath of that and you refuse to go up to your room. You aren’t ready to see all of his things gone. He can get in through the window and that’s how he left last time.

Last time. You sob. I am such a moron. Why did I ever think he would actually stay?

Eowyn spits up more and more- you are trying to help her feel better and hope Shadowheart comes back today from her trip. You would take her to a healer but you can’t leave the house looking like this and with no one to watch Eowyn…

You had been so prepared to be a single mother before Astarion came back. You had had it all down to a T- you had a plan in place. Shadowheart was going to stay with you and help you until you got into your rhythm. Isobel and Dame Aylin were going to be here. It had all been so well planned, but you told everyone it would be okay! You had Astarion! You were going to do this parenting thing together!

The door opens and Shadowheart comes walking in- all smiles with bags in hand- but is immediately over there in a second. She uses lesser restoration on Eowyn and calm- why didn’t you think to use calm? Her crying ceases and she relaxes in Shadowheart’s arms falling asleep.

You laugh- you laugh so hard you become hysterical. Shadowheart tries to help you sit on the couch, but you are frozen in place.

You think you may have truly, truly lost it this time.

You now have to tell her that she was right and letting Astarion back was trouble- the only person in the entire world who can seem to calm your child down because you are too busy being a sniffling mess.

You are a failure of a mother, Tav. How dare you break Eowyn’s heart by allowing her to meet him at all.

The laughter doesn’t cease- you feel basically crazy. The last thing you remember is hearing someone rush up the stairs before falling to the ground.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Astarion has never moved faster and yet he still only barely grabbed you before you hit the ground.

He had finally felt like he blew off more than enough steam to be able to come back and apologize a hundred thousand times over for his reaction.

And for his genetics because he is certain that’s where Eowyn got her pipes from.

He had felt himself snap and he knew it was because he was starving. It wasn’t just that Eowyn was crying and sick, he felt helpless, but it made him feel good that she felt much better laying against him when her temperature was all over the place.

You had looked exhausted and Astarion was once again reminded that he can’t be left alone with Eowyn just yet. He felt like an utter failure.

Astarion destroyed an entire bandit camp and then another and then another until he was-

Well fed

Entirely decompressed

Confident enough in his capabilities to go back and be the parent you know he is capable of being.

He went to the healer’s shop to get something to soothe Eowyn’s tummy, but the healer was out of herbs. She told him where to find more and he even brought back extra so that the shop had it in stock. She paid him and tried to flirt with him, but he made it abundantly clear that the vomit on his shirt was from his child that he adores along with his absolutely lovely partner that carried her.

That little side quest turned into going to the local market to get all your favorite foods, new bath soaps, a very comfortable pair of pajamas he thinks you would look adorable in, and a ring. Astarion isn’t sure when he will pop the question, but he wants to and he saw the perfect ring- how could he not buy it?

He even bought new soap that is your favorite scent. Astarion knows you intend on washing his clothing after this affair, but once he gets Eowyn and you down for a nap (you worry so much about her sleeping with her tummy like this), he would wash all of the clothes soiled in the span of mere minutes- yours, his, and Eowyn’s.

He knew something was wrong when he walked up to the house and the door was wide open with Shadowheart’s things lazily left out on the patio. Astarion had felt paralyzed- did he leave and something truly bad happened? Did that hag come back?

Your hysterical laughing did not help- he knows that laugh. You laughed like that when Orin kidnapped Lae’zel and you proceeded to promptly pass out. It’s your, “I have finally fucking lost it” laugh and it means you probably have the migraine of the century.

With Shadowheart’s help, they got both you and Eowyn upstairs and in bed. Eowyn was softly snoring in her crib, looking peaceful for the first time in 72 hours. You, on the other hand, look anything but peaceful.

Your face is tear stained, your eyes are puffy, and your skin is ever so slightly paler than it should be. You are shaking and Shadowheart promptly informed him that you have a fever, but she has everything to help you.

The two silently work together to grind up the herbs and other medicinal items. Astarion knows she wants to ask what happened and honestly? He has no idea.

Okay, well he does, but he didn’t realize how “end of the world” like it would be for you both. Astarion would never-

Oh.

He stops suddenly and blinks away tears he didn’t realize he had.

How had Astarion not thought about that? You used to be able to cope if he blew up and stormed off- worried that Cazador or your other foes would hurt him- but the last time he blew up on you, he vanished.

He left without leaving a trace of himself behind and then you didn’t see him for months. Eowyn’s first experience with him is that he threatened you and then abandoned not only you, but her as well.

Astarion’s memory of the day’s earlier events makes him put his head in his hands.

He remembers how terrified you both looked when he snapped and Eowyn’s whimper echoes through his head.

Astarion couldn’t figure out why you hadn’t gone into the bedroom and tried to nap- it had been both of your plans before he so horribly ran off. Now he realizes that you were trying to avoid seeing his absence- you really were not expecting him to come back ever again.

“Astarion?”

He bursts into tears when Shadowheart says his name with a counting house worth of worry. He doesn’t deserve it- he is a monster.

“I got so overwhelmed,” he chokes out, “I was so hungry and I wasn’t thinking- I just… I just left. I said mean, terrible things and I scared them both.

“I’m the reason she passed out. She thought I was never coming back.”

Astarion hears Shadowheart get up and he really is expecting to be stabbed through or something, but instead, she puts down two wine chalices and opens a bottle. She pours them both extremely large glasses before sitting down to get back to work.

“I can’t imagine this is easy for you,” she begins slowly, “you went from only having to worry about yourself to yourself and Tav and now Eowyn.

“I have noticed how hungry you are- I brought back some blood from the local butcher on my way home for you. I appreciate your refusal to drink from Tav until she is back to her full strength and I can really see the effort you are putting in. Not only with Eowyn, but in your relationship with Tav too.

“She may not be able to handle you leaving in a storm without experiencing a panic attack for a while,” Shadowheart says glumly, “but I think if you communicate your needs that she will listen and come up with a solution that works for everyone. She isn’t Cazador, Astarion. She loves you and she worries and cares for you as much as you do her. If you needed to go hunting, she probably would have, and I mean this quite literally, kicked you out of the house until you felt better. Your needs are important to her- she isn’t going to deny you or torture you for having them.

“Eowyn, on the other hand,” Shadowheart snorts, “well, I don’t think she cares what any of us want. She knows she’s too cute for that nonsense.”

Astarion and Shadowheart continue crushing the herbs in silence and he takes a long drink from the wine. He contemplates everything she said and he hates how transparent he must be for her to see why he was struggling to speak up about how hungry he was. It’s not your fault for not noticin- you were barely making time for your own needs.

There is a compromise somewhere. There has to be.

“Thank you.”

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Your bones hurt and you are freezing and hot at the same time. Everything hurts and the smell of Astarion’s cologne makes you want to cry.

You must be hallucinating because you are certain his voice is in the doorway talking to Shadowheart.

Oh how I am going to miss you, my Love. You think glumly. Thank you for the time we had together.

Your broken heart has manifested into physical illness and you wonder if you are even capable of taking care of Eowyn like this. You can hardly take care of yourself.

It also makes you wonder if you should have taken Jaheira’s advice in the first place and put her up for adoption. However, you quickly nix that thought- you couldn’t imagine a life without your sweet little girl and you will be brave for her. You have to be- there is no other choice.

A cool hand against your temple causes a sigh of relief to leave your cracked and dried lips. You cried so much and completely neglected to rehydrate.

You try to get up and prepare yourself to face Shadowheart and your shame.

But it isn’t Shadowheart- it’s Astarion with a look of concern on his face and he helps you sit up.

“Here, my Love,” he says as he supports your shaking hand as you drink the water, “I bought food as well- all of your favorites so when you are feeling up to eating, let me know.”

You nod and stare at him. You can’t tell if he is a mirage or if this is really him. Everything looks so hazy.

“Are you really here?”

You wince at how cracked and rough your voice sounds. Your tone is pathetic and melancholy.

Sadness consumes Astarion’s face and he wipes away the tears from your cheeks.

“Yes, my love,” he assures you, “I am here and I am not going anywhere.”

You nod your head, emotional and tearful.

He climbs into bed behind you and pulls you to his chest- leaving a trail of soft kisses up your neck and behind your ear. You hum happily and your chest glows.

He came back, you think, he came back and he never left. Never even intended on leaving again.

“What are you thinking about?” He whispers, neither one of you wishing to wake Eowyn.

You aren’t sure if you should share your thoughts. You don’t want him to think you don’t trust him or make him upset and have him actually leave.

“My love,” he begins, “I am sorry I scared you and Eowyn.”

“You didn-“

“Tav,” he says softly, but firmly, “don’t lie. I know I scared you and I know I scared her. I am not fragile, neither is our love, and I am sorry.”

You begin to cry again- your whole body is racked with them. Maybe you hadn’t gotten over him leaving yet. You really thought you had worked past it, but it’s like you are experiencing all the pain from when he first left and told you he wanted you to die screaming. It’s like a massive hole has been punched into your chest.

You feel him hold you tighter to him and you only cry harder, the pain from the past and the day has taken it’s toll on you. He whispers apologies into your ear and leaves gentle, sweet kisses.

“I promise- I am never going to leave you like that again,” his own voice cracks with unshed tears, “I will never abandon you again.”

You shake your head, trying so hard to not make him feel like he has to stay.

“I don’t want you to feel like you have to,” your voice comes out like a hopeless whine, “I don’t want you to feel trap-“

He interrupts you with a deep, long kiss. You nuzzle your nose against his and the sigh of happiness that leaves his mouth warms your aching heart.

“I want you to throw both of those thoughts away,” he wipes away your tears, “I am exactly where I want to be and that will not change. I love you and I love Eowyn- I love our family and our life together.

“You have given me a gift, a wonderful, beautiful gift,” he smiles at you, “thank you- I won’t forget it nor will she ever let me.”

You both lay there in each other’s embrace- Astarion continues to assure you that Eowyn is okay and you finally agree to take a bath together before taking a nap. You both still smell like baby spit up and some intimacy is needed.

Astarion basically already has the bath drawn by the time you get to the bathroom. He insists on washing your hair and your body before you wash him.

Astarion rubs your stressed muscles and the tightness in your shoulders away with his touch. You feel like you could fall asleep and know what peace feels like for once.

“Does this feel good, my Love?”

You hum happily, his fingers now massaging your scalp and making sure every inch is covered in soap and the tight dehydration headache seems to go away as he continues his ministrations. You feel bad that you aren’t helping him, but you wouldn’t even know where to begin and your body is so tired.

Astarion begins to trail sweet kisses up your neck- hoping to continue lulling you to sleep and he knows when you are already sleepy that kisses like this help to relax you. You could melt into him- truly.

“You are still a bit feverish,” he nuzzles his face into your neck, “how do you feel?”

You hum lazily, “achey, tired, but happy. I am very happy.”

You feel him smile against your skin and he regales you with his hunt from the day, bragging about the amount of bandits he was capable of taking down on his own. You add dramatic gasps and cheers- he gripes that you aren’t taking him seriously (he has taken to calling you his silly goose lately so who isn’t taking who seriously?), but you also can tell he adores it.

At some point, you do eventually wash him. You are slow and a bit lazy, but you focus on cleaning his blood stained hair, making sure there isn’t any left. He is worried about Eowyn seeing and being scared. He said he needs to apologize to her as well and he must look presentable.

You haven’t noticed him staring up at you, admiring your entire body against his and your face as you concentrate.

“I love you,” he whispers, “I love you so much.”

You look down at him with surprise and smile brightly.

“I love you so much!” You place a chaste kiss on his lips before returning to your work. “And I am very jealous of how silky your hair is.”

“You should be- my hair is the best, after all.”

“I know- I am grateful that Eowyn has your hair and not mine.”

Astarion seems to chuckle to himself, his restless hands begin tracing shapes and running up and down your body. It doesn’t feel sexual in nature, more like he is committing you to memory.

“200 years,” he murmurs.

“What?”

“I spent 200 years of suffering under Cazador,” he says softly, “I was getting ready to give up. I was really considering walking out into the sun and freeing myself of him forever.

“Then I am bringing someone to him and we are kidnapped by those tentacle-eyed freaks. I thought my life was truly over and I would never truly know what it feels like to be happy. Safe.

“I hate to give any meaning to my suffering because there was not, but I am grateful that after 200 years of pure shit- I get to be here with you. In our home- safe, in love, a father, and so incredibly happy. I can scarcely believe it some days.

“My time with you- now and every second moving forward is and has been the counterweight to it all. You are the counterweight to it all, my Love.”

You are stunned- a few stray tears falling down your face and your smile feels tooth rotting sweet. It makes you feel good to know that you have brought so much happiness to his life. At one point you thought you had truly destroyed his life after he left you there in Cazador’s Dungeon.

You are grateful that he doesn’t regret Ascending. You don’t know what you would do if he did.

“Marry me?” He whispers, his voice shaking and nervous.

You think you may have heard him incorrectly. Did he just… propose?

“W-what?”

“Marry me, please,” he begs, you think for a moment you see a flash of worry in his eyes like you may reject him, “I will do whatever I need to to show you I am serious about you, about us, and our family if that is what you are concerned about I-

“Yes!” After your brain digests everything he said and you accidentally interrupt him in your excitement, “yes one hundred times over!”

You feel sparked to life- all the tiredness in your bones becomes less noticeable and he pulls your face to his, kissing you deeply with no intentions of stopping any time soon.

Your hands explore each other as if you are both touching each other for the first time. It’s slow and wonderful- you have been with each other in this sense before, slow and soft sex, but this feels entirely different.

His thumb teasingly rolls your clit while he slides a finger inside of you- a wanton moan escapes your lips and your eyelashes flutter as he prepares you to take him. His other hand is gripping your hair to keep your lips on his- the punishing pace he keeps as he scissors his fingers inside you and stimulates your g-spot. His thumb never stops it’s relentlessly teasing and you almost feel embarrassed by how eagerly you pant against his mouth with pleasure.

“You are being so wonderful for me, my Sweet,” he nips your lower lip, “I want to be inside you- do you feel ready for that?”

You nod eagerly- you have been healthy and cleared for sex for a couple weeks now, but he had been far, far too afraid which you respect immensely. You have been dreaming about connecting with him on this level again though- it’s intimate and important.

Love and loyalty- a bond that cannot be broken and your bodies fit together like a puzzle piece.

Astarion slowly thrusts up into you and you meet his hips half way down. You moan and whine against each other’s lips. He pinches your sensitive nipples and he smiles into your mouth when you gasp- breaking the intense make out session between you. You can feel your breast milk drip down his fingers and he makes you watch him lick his fingers clean.

He peers up at you as if asking permission to drink and your lashes flutter as you consider what he is asking.

You nod shyly and his smile is wide, his eyes almost hungry.

The cold, wet feeling of his tongue against your sensitive nipple and a single, hard thrust into you makes a cry of pleasure fall from your lip. Astarion begins to drink from your breast- tongue, teeth, and lips- and you clutch the back of the bathtub as he indulges.

Strings of curse words and praise leave your mouth as he continues- eventually moving onto the other and you watch in awe as his looks up at you. Astarion’s pupils are blown with lust and desire- his eyes are drunk and exhilarated from your blood and breast milk.

His hands settle on your hips and begins pulling your thrusts to meet his harder. You feel dizzy and lightheaded- blood and breastmilk drips from you and into the water below. Astarion releases your nipple and your head falls into the crook of his neck. You muffle your moans by singing them into his shoulder. One of your hands finds purchase in his hair and the other explores his torso and neck.

“Gods you are perfect,” he growls against your lips, “in every single way- you are perfect.”

He ruts into your sex relentlessly and the gentle kisses between you become sloppy and needy. You feel your orgasm wash over your body in a wave of pleasure and you giggle happily when he fills you with his seed.

The sloppy kisses are still lazy and needy, but in a far gentler way. Both of your hands are entangled in the other’s hair and never ever want this to end.

Unfortunately, crying from Eowyn interrupts your moment alone before you can even think about further aftercare protocol.

Astarion groans, putting his head back and pouting.

You laugh, readying yourself to get out of the tub, “our child would be a total cock block.”

“Yes, well,” he says, pulling you back into the water, “she will not be a ‘relaxation’ block either, my Dear,” he presses a chaste kiss to your lips, “you continue to enjoy yourself and I will take care of Eowyn.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel alone.”

“How could I?” He says with a large smile, “my fiancé is just in the other room and our daughter is very good company.”

Fiancé.

You are smiling ear to ear, even before Astarion gets out of the bath and gets dressed. You can’t help but admire how beautiful he is as he gets out and he wiggles his eyebrows at you.

“Like what you see, my Darling?”

“Oh, I certainly do,” You hum in approval, “and I just love you for who you are in general.”

He is leaning over and pressing a kiss to your forehead after he slides on his shirt and his pants.

“It’s truly, disgustingly, wonderful how kind you are to me,” he says before pulling away, “it makes me want to be kind back.”

“Oh you are very kind, my Love,” Eowyn throws some kind of toy against her crib in frustration and you giggle, “it sounds like you are being summoned.”

You sink back into your bath and listen as Astarion’s muffled voice earns a squeal of happiness from Eowyn. You can hear him singing some song he made up on the spot- all filled with compliments for her- and your smile only grows wider.

Eowyn is going to have the healthiest self-esteem anyone has ever seen in their lives. Astarion would probably destroy the entire world if someone so much as looked at Eowyn wrong.

It warms your heart to know that, in spite of all the sadness those five months apart brought you, that it all ended up working out for the best.

*****************************************************************

“I am sorry I scared you, my adorable little menace,” he says softly, Eowyn’s crying had stopped abruptly upon seeing him and she started to shake before spitting up on herself.

It broke Astarion to see how afraid she was- she was even too scared to cry and be upset about the spit up dribbling down her face. He picks her up, aware of how tense she is before wiping her face gently. Eowyn’s golden eyes follow his every movement and she slowly relaxes as she realizes he isn’t upset anymore.

“I will never ever abandon you, my sweet little girl,” he promises, “I am so sorry- I love you so much and I am sorry I scared you. I hope you can forgive me.”

Eowyn probably doesn’t know what he is saying word for word, but she seems to understand enough and she gives him a gummy, drooly grin with a happy, high pitched cry. It’s probably one of Astarion’s favorite sounds and he loves her smile- adores it even.

“Eowynnnn with her beautifulll eyes and her wonderfulll smileeee,” he sings lazily, “you are the greatest thingggg in this worlddddddd and so issss your motherrrrrr.”

He keeps singing his weird song- he doesn’t know when he became an idle singer, but Eowyn enjoys it very much and in turn, he has come to enjoy it.

Astarion grabs a fresh pair of clothes for Eowyn and goes to the kitchen. He fills the sink with water and sets up the weird contraption that Shadowheart gave them to put in the sink. It’s supposed to keep her from being submerged under the water, but Astarion is still skeptical.

He continues to rock her until the water is ready and it seems like he submerged the lower half of the tub seat just enough for her. Eowyn goes into it happily- not even blinking when she is in the water. You have bathed her a few times already and Eowyn really likes her baths. Today, it seems to also help with soothing her tummy.

Astarion washes every single one of her curls with care and precision- gently untangling any knots and providing lots of praise when one is particularly difficult to untangle and he has to be a bit more aggressive than he would like. She is a champion through the whole thing, lazily looking up at him as she sucks on her binkie.

Shadowheart had given him a mint elixir to help soothe her upset tummy and it seems to have worked very well- there is no more odd stomach grumbling from her and she seems relaxed. He will definitely be keeping this on hand for the future.

She is basically asleep again when he begins to rub grape seed oil into her skin so that it stays moisturized and puts her in, what he argues are, her favorite pair of pajamas (his reasoning is definitely NOT because he bought them…).

Astarion thinks about bringing her upstairs and putting her to sleep in the crib before taking a nap himself, but he isn’t ready to part with her. He hurt her feelings and he wants to rectify this- for his own sad feelings and hers.

You are already asleep in your shared bed when he gets upstairs and Astarion gently lays down on his back, putting Eowyn on his chest and she falls asleep with her ear pressed where his heartbeat should be. You naturally curl up next to him too and Astarion has never felt more full of happiness in his entire life.

At one point, laying still and not being able to move would have been torture. Now? Astarion lets his mind wander into bliss as he listens to both of your heartbeats and soft snores.

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